Lost
by Crawling Elf a.k.a. ZIM
Summary: Vader reflects on the death of a love one. Fett&Anakin slash warning.


Author: Crawling Elf. Feedback: csi_elf@hotmail.com Fandom: Star Wars. Pairing: Fett/Anakin. Disclaimer: The almighty George Lucas owns characters and galaxy, but the story is mine. Category: Angst. Rated: G, PG-13 Notes: This is an AU fic. Slash warning. A million thanks to Shen Long for the great beta work.  
  
LOST  
  
During the Clone War, rest was something that didn't happen that often, and the brief times where Anakin Skywalker had the chance, his sleep was always disturbed by nightmares; tonight was no exception.  
  
His bad dreams were more confusing than frightening, not only because of his friends betrayal; but his new allies.  
  
Obi-Wan and Padme had turn their backs on him when he joined Palpatine, but he had to move on, he was right and when the war finished, they would see that.  
  
Besides fighting side to side with the mandalorian kid would prove to be solace enough.  
  
Yet somehow the presence of the taciturn young man had been haunting his dreams. At first Anakin thought he was just like any other clone trooper, but now he was uncertain of everything he felt or thought about the soldier.  
  
Looking back, it seems like a lifetime ago... The space is dark and unforgiving, and the stars look at me with a silent judgment. I should have been with you.  
  
Tatooine, couldn't you have picked another hell hole to fall to? You knew how much I hated that planet, but then again, you couldn't choose.  
  
Defeated by a blind man's clumsy move; now that's a stupid way of dying, that Solo bastard stole your chance to die as a warrior. You fell into the Sarlacc I've been told; not even you can get out of that one, and yet I can't bring myself to believe that you're really dead, I guess I thought of you as immortal.  
  
Do you remember when we first met? Of course you do, how could you forget? Plo Koon was the first master you killed.  
  
I'd heard tales of you before that confrontation, your mission to terminate all Jedis, a different amount for each padawan, knight and master, every credit courtesy of Count Dooku. For a short moment we were enemies.  
  
I saw the Jedi braids on your shoulder and Plo's lifeless body on the floor; you represented quite a challenge, I couldn't say no. Palpatine stopped us from killing each other, even though I would have won.  
  
Palpatine tried to take you under his wing like he did with me. I must admit it was really amusing watching a sixteen year old telling the great sith master, "I bow to no one" I still wonder why he didn't choke you to death; I guess he was as impressed as I was.  
  
We spent too much time apart until a few days ago on the bridge of the Star Destroyer. I knew you'd show up for the Millennium Falcon bounty. I asked for the best, naturally you came. I should have done that long ago.  
  
I almost didn't recognize you with that helmet... almost... You'd added some Wookie braids; I never understood why you'd take the padawan's braid instead of the saber. Then again, there were many issues I never grasped about you.  
  
As you wish... do you remember that one? It was the first time you ever did what I wanted; before, it was always your way. I never argued over it, although I was older you were more experienced, you always knew what to do, I called it force; you called it instinct.  
  
I used to let my emotions free. I was probably the only Jedi that ever allowed himself to have feelings, the same freedom that led me to you; intellect overrides emotion you used to say. I didn't care, it was one of many things we never agreed upon, but you never tormented yourself with it or let me fall into that absurd cliché, something that she never understood.  
  
I always cared more for you than for her; I guess fighting for our lives together so many times created a stronger and deeper bond than a ten year old crush.  
  
Then you left, cold and silent. It was fine with me, you were somewhere out there and you would come back if I wanted, that was more than enough.  
  
Cloud city, the last place where I saw you alive. I had to be as cold and emotionless as you; now I regret that, but you wouldn't have allowed me to be any different.  
  
I want to feel the tears in my eyes to let those bitter water drops wash my pain away, but I'm afraid I've lost that bodily function, I can't even cry for your death.  
  
But then again I am a Jedi and Jedis don't mourn. No, I'm beyond the Jedis, beyond the council and their foolish limitations, I'm a sith, and I rule the galaxy. I'm more powerful than I'd ever imagined but once again I couldn't stop death.  
  
Damn you Fett, you were right. I do sound overly girly when I talk about you. 


End file.
